It is a game you can't win. I believe they must have been the originators of Playing Dumb. When it is convenient for them, they are suddenly not capable of anything and completely unknowing of any facts relating to whatever you are talking about. Only moments ago, they were experts on every imaginable subject; wondering why their opinions were not published somewhere. Now, they are looking at you with dull eyes and all they can say is "I dunno".
This is where you disengage. Just give them that knowing smirk of yours and walk away without a comment and without ceremony. Nothing you say or do is going to change their Tactic of the Moment.
Playing Dumb. It is a game. One of many in their bag of tricks. If you think of everything a Narcissist does as a game, it will start to make sense to you. Then, like a coach, you can call for a huddle, identify the current strategy in play, and plan your next move. When in doubt, Smirk.
Seriously. It is a mistake to ever think of your narcissist as human. For the purpose of surviving when in the throes of the relationship, identifying the tactic goes a long way in mitigating its sting. No matter what they are doing, or saying, how sweet they might be acting, it is not real. Say this out loud: EVERY SINGLE THING THEY DO IS CALCULATED FOR MAXIMUM MANIPULATION AND CONTROL. Unless and until you believe this, you will remain in their control. You will respond to the manipulation exactly as they expect.
Every time their antics evoke a reaction in you, they win. They love watching you on the roller coaster. They create the ups and the downs. Your reaction is their reward. By reacting, you are knocked off balance. Keeping you off balance is a good thing. A balanced YOU is not a good thing; not for them. Learn not to react. It gets easier when you recognize the tactic.
Do not let them know that you know. For that they will make you pay. That is what you want to avoid. Their punishment.
You can't let them know you know and you must not react. What then? That knowing little smirk as you turn to walk away is not the reaction they thrive on. Nor is it insulting. It simply says, you know what's up without saying it. As long as you don't say it, it never really happens. Not for them. It didn't cause conflict which would require them to engage further. No conflict, no punishment. They may or may not know what the little smirk means. But in the end, it does not matter in their reality. In your reality it is enough to satisfy.
My point is this: Informed decisions over non-informed reactions, are better for you. You only need to learn to recognize the strategy in play and know when and why they do it to disarm it. You are not engaging in game play with them, you are learning to disarm them. When you know their tactics and the pathetic reason they employ them, they no longer hold their destructive powers.
Join me as the next 13 posts on this blog uncover their 13 favorite tactics for knocking you off balance. I welcome your comments and sharing of your own lived experiences. Until next time....
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